PRIDE Institute LGBT Treatment

Gender Bias

by Nicky Simon-Burton, MAOL, director of business development

I consider myself to be well aware of gender bias in our world. I present in the community on how these social norms impact our community on a regular basis and ask clinicians to challenge their personal bias when it comes to gender explorations. So, imagine my surprise when I stood staring at the end cap at a local retailer trying to determine why I was fighting my two-year-old on which box of pull-ups to buy. My son loves Dora. He likes Diego. Both boxes of pull-ups were on clearance and both were in his size. He really, really wanted the pink, flowery Dora underpants.

I caught myself weighing the most silly things: when is the next time his grandparents will see him, would school see this has an issue, what will my partner say, and a whole slew of other ridiculousness. It didn’t take long for me to look at my son, laugh out loud, and place both boxes of pull-ups into the cart (it was a great sale).

It is funny how social norms impact us. I knew that it did not matter whether he wore pink or blue underpants as long as they kept him dry at night. I knew that he loved the cartoon Dora and to him the color made no difference. But my own internalized homonegativity translated the experience into so much more. Was I a bad mom to put him in pink? Can two lesbians raise a ‘real man’? If I get pink pants now, what does that mean for him later?

My point in sharing this story is to illustrate that we are all human. There is no perfect person who always remembers to shut off the internal dialogue. We have all learned lessons growing up and through our adult lives that shape who we are and how we cope with situations and conflict. However, you can allow this dialogue to come forward and then laugh and push it off.

You are who you are. We are each unique and different in our own way. If you like pink or blue or green or purple, it is still you. And it is amazing being the authentic you!

As individuals begin to realize that they may need some help dealing with their substance use, mental health, or sexual health concerns, it can be daunting to know where or how to start the process.

People who find themselves in this situation will often feel alone, like no one could possibly understand what they are going through. While it might be very difficult or even impossible for others to really “get it” – it is important to know that you are truly not alone. Many find it difficult to approach loved ones (family, friends, co-workers, etc) to ask for help, thinking that they will be rejected or judged. The reality is that your loved ones likely already have a fairly good idea that you are in need of some help. Those who are closest to you witness your behavior and have the best understanding of who you are – they will likely have noticed changes in you and will be glad you came to them for help.

Taking that first step is often the most difficult as well as the most relieving. To reflect a sentiment from the AA community, admitting that you have a problem is the first step. There are number of “first steps” you can take in reaching out for help:

• Reach out to a close, trusted individual (family, friend, co-worker). It is likely this person already has and idea that you need help. Allow them to support you in taking the next steps.
• Contact your Employee Assistance Program. This is a confidential support service provided by most employers. They can offer some initial counseling along with some referrals for longer term treatment.
• Go to a meeting. Most cities have listings for LGBT friendly meetings. This can be a great way to start talking to someone who might understand what you are going through.
• Do some research. There are a lot of resources online for people to find therapists and treatment centers that might be a good fit for them.

If you are stuck and not sure where to start, it is best to just call PRIDE Institute or another treatment center. The first call is often to just begin the conversation to see if you need treatment and if so, what that might look like: outpatient, inpatient, residential, etc. Making a call does not commit you to anything other than a conversation to look into your options. We are here to help, call 800-547-7433.

Written by Nicky Simon-Burton, MAOL, community relations

As a citizen of Minnesota for my entire life, I have always appreciated the progressive nature of this state. We have great social service programs to help others out; tremendous health care researchers and developers; talented arts, theater, and dance communities; and, we are generally nice people. Now that we are poised to be the 12th state to acknowledge the relationships of same sex couples; I could not be more proud.

However, marriage equality is about more than just two people loving and committing to each other. It is a statement of being as important, as valuable, as capable of maintaining love just like everyone else. For most of our community this dialogue has not been heard from a state level. For some of us these words have never been heard on an individual level. And that has caused us some pain.

At PRIDE Institute I have seen tremendous growth come out of enormous pain. I imagine the State of Minnesota will have tremendous growth, regardless of the final verdict. As a lesbian committed mom of a two year old, I know I have held my head up higher knowing that we have collectively said NO to discrimination in this great state. However, I am not naïve to think this is the only battle to be won.

Certainly there are upcoming struggles related to transgender inclusiveness that MUST be addressed individually, locally, statewide, and nationally. Health care research in LGBT communities still shows a lower level of access, higher acuity, and fear of discrimination. This is similar to many other minority populations. So, what are we going to do about it?

What is the point of being able to fall in love and get married if you aren’t safe to get ongoing medical care to keep you and your relationship strong and growing?

So, let us hope and pray for a positive result for our marriage rights, and then turn our attention to helping educate and advocate for better cultural competency across all other aspects of our lives.

A special thanks to Leslie Jordan for stopping by and sharing his story with PRIDE Institute clients and staff.

The strong message of sobriety interwoven through the comedic storytelling of Leslie Jordan entranced the clients and staff at PRIDE Institute. We were in tears from the stories of pain and from laughter. We were all amazed at his generosity with his time and willingness to share his authentic self with our group. Thank you Leslie Jordan for your commitment to your recovery and to PRIDE Institute counselor David Smith for inviting Leslie to visit.

Every week at PRIDE Institute we host an Alumni meeting for clients leaving treatment the following week. We ask for feedback from the client’s experience at PRIDE Institute and connect clients with resources nationally. PRIDE Institute keeps an ongoing list of suggestions and affirmations clients submit upon their departure from Residential Treatment. I’m pleased to say, the improvements list has been minor but our affirmations continue to develop over the years. I would like to highlight the ongoing acknowledgements we receive each week:

“PRIDE has given me a safe place to feel comfortable, affirmed, and loved for the first time in my life”

“I feel home at last. I’m here with my LGBT community and my recovery community.”

“PRIDE affirmed me for who I am, affirmed my family of choice, and allowed me to look in the mirror and smile for the first time in years.”

Majority highlighted weekly groups: “trauma, grief/loss, sexual health, men’s intimacy, women’s intimacy, LGBT issues, relapse prevention, body image, small group, and meditation!”

“Staff went above and beyond my expectations in meeting my needs and my peers.”

“PRIDE’s weekly schedule is very structured, which has given me the accountability and confidence that I needed to start my new sober life.”

“PRIDE has given me the tools to survive on my own two feet through treatment services at residential, continuing care plans, AA meetings at the facility, and the alumni association involvement.”

“PRIDE goes out of their way to connect us with LGBT friendly resources and support to continue our sobriety outside of treatment.”

“We love weekly yoga, meditation, and acupuncture! Also, the new serenity room and coping skills boxes gave us the opportunity to relax in stressful situations.”

PRIDE Institute appreciates all of the feedback from alumni and professionals in order to continue improving PRIDE Institute over the last 27 years. Client’s voices continue PRIDE Institute’s mission in creating a healthy LGBT community. We wish to thank our alumni for their feedback and continued support.

By David L. Smith M Ed, LADC, PRIDE Institute Counselor

The holidays are quickly approaching. Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and many other traditions are just around the corner. You know what else approaching— stress, and for many, increased anxiety and depression.

The traditions associated with the holidays often stem from our families of origin and are passed down over time from generation to generation. It all sounds a bit 1950s Norman Rockwell-ish, but the reality of what constitutes a family in 2012 is much different than that of 50 years ago. Nowhere is this difference more evident than in the LGBT community where families often look much different than that of our heterosexual counterparts.

Due to a myriad of issues—homophobia, rejection of family members due to being gay, religious ideology—many members of the LGBT community have been shunned or excluded from their families of origin.

The sting of rejection, while tough any time of the year, can be most profound during the holidays. What’s one to do when such emphasis is placed on being with family during the holidays, yet your family may have rejected you for being honest about this integral piece of yourself? Further confounding the difficulties is what to do if you’re struggling with addiction/alcoholism and may or not be in recovery.

How about reinventing your concept of family? Who says things have to be the way they’ve always been?

 The idea of a family needn’t be defined by blood alone. Blood signifies relatives—something given with no choice. Family can signify anything we want it to be—it implies choice. Choice is a beautiful word for anyone, but has special significance especially for those in the recovery community. It’s an opportunity to set the intention for what your life will look like.

If you’re not getting what you want and need in your life, go out and seek it—redefine what your family will look like. Unconditional love, trust, healthy communication, compassion, and loyalty—these are some of the characteristics that define what a family should look like. The opportunity to be transparent without the fear of judgment or critique is the cornerstone of what it means to be in a family.

There are people in the world that will love you and accept you for being LGBT. There are people in the world that will love and accept for you being in recovery. It’s a double bonus if you find both! Set a new tradition this holiday season and move forward by painting a new picture of what your family will look like.

by Nicky Simon-Burton, community relations at PRIDE Institute

My emotions surrounding the election coverage last night were intense. Certainly there was the normal anticipation of knowing who the next president will be, but in the state of Minnesota, one constitutional amendment caused additional fear, excitement, hope, and concern. What a rollercoaster of emotions as I awaited hearing if the people of Minnesota would vote no in opposition to adding same sex marriage discrimination into the constitution.

My partner awoke me from a restless sleep at 3 a.m. with a whisper, “Honey, we won!” I almost could not believe it. The feeling of validation over a hard fought battle, and of knowing that our individual stories have helped change the hearts of so many, was amazing. For my family, including my one and a half year old son, this decision cemented our life in Minnesota.

After rejoicing on my personal happiness from this decision, my attention went toward our clients and future clients at PRIDE Institute. The effects of homophobia in this world can have tremendous impact on the substance abuse and mental health issues among the LGBT community. Minnesotans Voting No helps to send a message that we are not alone, we have support, and we will have equal rights!

While we still do not have the right to marry (yet), this morning we can hold our head higher knowing we have done something that no other state has been able to do. And thus begins the next steps for full equality.

By Craig Sloane, LCSW, CASAC

Homophobia. Transphobia. There’s no doubt they play a role in the addiction and recovery of LGBT people. Don’t get me wrong – LGBT people don’t become addicts and alcoholics because we’re LGBT. But because we’re LGBT we are susceptible to the negative impact of homophobia and transphobia. For some, using drugs and alcohol becomes a way to cope with consequent shame and low self-esteem. This can become a perfect storm for alcoholism and addiction to flourish.

Both research and good clinical judgment have illustrated that learning alternative coping strategies to drug and alcohol use promotes recovery. For LGBT people this includes resolving internalized homo- bi- and trans-phobia and implementing new ways of being queer in a world that is hostile to queer people. It is imperative that LGBT people in early recovery empower themselves, come to terms with internalized shame and deepen their self-acceptance. We addiction professionals know that this work reaps long-term recovery.

So what’s election season got to do with it? Despite recent gains including repeal of the military’s ban on gays and Obama himself coming out in favor of gay marriage, the political environment has bred a backlash against LGBT people that includes negative and hateful messages plastered all over cable TV, talk radio, newspapers and social media. Antagonistic reactions to advances in LGBT rights have brought about a subsequent increase in bullying and other forms of anti-LGBT violence.

Currently 31 states have added constitutional amendments that ban same-sex marriage. This November, four states will put the issue of marriage equality to voters. [Minnesota is one of these states.] Some political campaigns fill the airwaves and cyberspace with anti-LGBT rhetoric. This has the capacity to remind LGBT people about all the inequities that exist against us including legalized discrimination in housing, employment, healthcare, marriage and even the use of bathrooms.

For LGBT people in recovery, these negative messages can evoke strong emotional triggers that sometimes lead to relapse if not combatted directly. In my psychotherapy practice, LGBT clients have expressed feelings of depression, hopelessness, anger, shame, and rage when election politics have incited adverse reactions against them. And yes, they have reported feeling triggered to drink and do drugs as a way to cope with these feelings.

So what’s a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person in recovery to do? The institutionalized invalidation that can trigger cravings to drink and drug must be challenged with validation, empowerment and pride. Here are a few actions LGBT people in recovery can take in order to dispute election year triggers and prevent relapse:

• Volunteer for a local candidate that supports LGBT rights. Chances are that when you do this you’ll meet other like-minded people with whom to connect. These connections will provide a validating experience that defeats the invalidating feelings connected to internalize homo- bi- and trans-phobia.
• Attend local LGBT oriented political events. Join a local political club and/or attend election related activities at your local LGBT community center. Connecting to community reverses the isolation of active addiction and helps avoid cravings.
• Write letters to your elected officials telling them how you want them to vote on LGBT related legislation. Better yet, have a letter writing fellowship party and invite everyone from your home group.
• DO read blogs that support LGBT rights and DONT go to sites that promote anti-LGBT rhetoric. This is an election year twist on the sobriety tool of staying away from “people, places and things”.
• Register to vote. Active addicts and alcoholics ignore many of life’s routines like going to the dentist, filing taxes, etc. In recovery we learn to reclaim our lives by participating fully. Registering to vote can be part of this process.
• Vote! As recovery literature tells us, “Half measures availed us nothing.”

Craig Sloane, LCSW, CASAC is in private practice in New York City. He is a 2012 recipient of the Emerging Social Work Leader Award from the National Association of Social Workers – NYC Chapter. Craig is an experienced practitioner, supervisor and workshop facilitator in the fields of mental health, substance abuse and LGBT issues and is a contributor to thefix.com.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, allowing all LGBT service men and women to serve openly in our nation’s military. Initially signed into law in 1993 to prohibit discrimination or harassing of closeted enlisted men and women, it also disallowed them to serve openly. Since then, DADT was used to discharge over 13,000 men and women based on their sexual orientation from 1994 until its repeal a year ago. What was the reasoning for those who fought the repeal? They believed gays openly serving in the military “would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. This fight has its roots set firmly in our nation’s history, from the onset of WWII when psychiatric screening were added to the military’s induction process distinguishing the recruits as “homosexual” or “normal” which led to homosexuals being committed to military hospitals, examined by psychiatrists and discharged (remember that homosexuality was considered a disorder by the American Psychiatric Association until 1973).

Since then, many courageous men and women have fought to serve their country openly and honestly. Fannie Mae Clackum, discharged in 1952 after being accused of being a lesbian, was the first service member to successfully appeal this decision in 1960. Today, OutServe, a network of LGBT actively-serving military personnel, continues to advocate for the health and protection of all service members. PRIDE Institute is proud to be an official sponsor of this organization.

And now that DADT has reached this one-year milestone, we can see the affect on the “high standards” of our military. A recent report by a group of U.S. military school professors writing for the Palm Center found, “The repeal of DADT has had no overall negative impact on military readiness or its component dimensions, including cohesion, recruitment, retention, assaults, harassment or morale.” The U.S. military today has the same level of readiness as it did in 2011. It doesn’t end there as a victory, there is more work to be done and the PRIDE Institute will continue to work toward the health of our nation’s LGBT population.

Earlier this month the Business Development Team from PRIDE Institute attended the Flight Attendant Drug and Alcohol Program www.fadap.org Conference in Baltimore, Maryland. PRIDE has a long history of working with the Employee Assistance Programs for many of the airlines and when an LGBT flight attendant reaches out for help we often get the call.

The conference was a huge success and provided an opportunity to learn the unique challenges for flight attendants in recovery. Many of the speakers highlighted these challenges, including:

• Identifying and responding to hazardous conditions to themselves
• Identifying and responding to hazardous conditions to the traveling public
• In-flight medical emergencies
• Unexpected turbulence
• Unruly passengers
• Flight attendants experience higher than average rate of work related injury and sickness (according to the U.S. Dept. of Labor)
• Working in a pressurized cabin
• Back pain (60% of all reported pain)
• Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired are often considered warning signs and situations for relapse. A flight attendant lifestyle often is consumed with these four conditions.

Understanding how incredibly difficult the job is overall doesn’t even account for the random and unpredictable schedule they are asked to maintain. Conference attendees talked about missing holidays, birthdays and school plays when, due to weather or mechanical problems, flights land them in a different city, alone.

One of the invited speakers outlined flight attendant culture and its natural propensity toward drug and alcohol abuse. When a flight attendant puts on their uniform, they must be ready to smile, appear calm (no matter what) and maintain extremely high levels of customer service. These types of stressors can lead to addiction with such easy access to alcohol and medications across the globe.

Thank you FADAP for doing such selfless work for your fellow flight attendants facing addiction. The entire flying community is safer because of your support. For more information on this program, please check out FADAP (( LINK TO FADAP))